Troubled Times
by Walking Green Cucumber
Summary: This story is in the POV of Sakura and Tomoyo who are in quite some troubled times for a sixth grader. Sakura's dear, beloved mother dies, while Tomoyo hears the shocking news that her mother is broke. They are in need of help... XDONE!
1. Chapter 1

This story is in the POV of Sakura and Tomoyo who are in quite some troubled times for a sixth grader. Sakura's dear, beloved mother dies, while Tomoyo hears the shocking news that her mother is broke. They are in need of help... in need of someone to turn to.

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**CHAPTER 1: My life before**

It happened so fast. Everything was here, in place, settled down and perfectly fine. Life was well and everything was perfect, just perfect. But then this perfect life began to slip away. It happened all so fast. First I was happy, and then suddenly I was sad. My mother was alive; we were all so happy, cheerful, never thinking about what might happen. And then she slipped away from us. No, rather like she went POOF all of sudden and left us forever. It happened last summer before seventh grade. My mother was home and my dad was making pancakes. I was a happy sixth grader, normal, glad, and piped up for seventh grade. My brother was even a bit happy then. Even though he's got that grumpy edge on him that makes girls go floaty all around him. It was a perfect picture. My mom in her chair telling stories while my dad flipped the pancakes in the pan, listening and sometimes laughing. My brother and I were giggling and listening.

"And then she came in and screamed out loud, 'what are you two doing in here?"

We burst out with laughter again.

"So what happened next mom? Did she suspend Jodie for the rest of the week?" I asked out loud, full of questions.

Touya bonked my head, "No, dummy, she made her work in the yard for the rest of the week."

I reached up at his head to hit him too, but Touya just stood up and grinned as I jumped wildly.

Mother just laughed. She didn't get mad at us, she just laughed. That was a good thing about mother; it was something that made me love her even more. She never got mad, she never shouted, she never grounded us, but she'd just laugh. Father too, he'd do the same thing. But mother felt so close to me, she'd carry me to bed even though I was too big, and then plop me on the bed and kiss me smack on the forehead. Then chocking me to death with my blankets. Father was nice, calm and kind. Slow-tempered and a hard worker, but he could never do something silly like that. Too mature. Mother was like a kid. She would trip and climb trees. She liked to bounce around and laugh by swinging her head back, letting her hair trickle down to her knees. They seemed so different and yet so alike. I loved them. I loved them so very much. But most of all, I loved my mother. I loved her the most.

Father smiled, "Here, I'll help you." My father put down the pan and picked me up.

I gave Touya a nice bonk on his head. We all sat down and laughed.

"These are good." Mother kissed dad on the cheek and then asked me, "Pass the syrup please."

I handed the syrup over. She drowned the pancakes in the thick liquid.

Dad remarked, "Come on, they're not so plain."

My mother laughed again and then answered, "I know, but I like it sweet."

"A sweet tooth, a lot like Sakura." Touya slathered butter all over his pancakes.

"Hey!" I pouted.

The house was filled with laughter once more. I think it was the last time we had a family laugh.

I think it was too sudden; it was like a miracle, a bad miracle. So swift it was, how it managed to happen in a few hours. I was startled, I thought we would die, I thought my life would be over. We were fine a second ago… at least I think. We were still in the mansion a second ago, we were still rich, we were still living in luxury, and I still had my room. But then it happened. It happened too quick, too rapidly, too fast. It was like the wind breezing past us, taking with it our money. We were broke. I'm not sure how it happened. It just did, like God had swooped down and crushed my mother's business. All I remember was my mother busting into the house and then saying to me, "We're broke."

I fiddled around with my hair, thinking about what dress I should pick, when I heard the limo park so abruptly that I nearly jumped. I took a peek out the window, and then ran down the circular stairway, rather like flying down it. I was downstairs by the time I heard her come it.

The twin doors flung open and my mother stepped in. Her hair was a wreck, her lipstick looked worn out, her face was pale and lined with worries. Her tight outfit was loosened and her eyes looked weary. But what was most fearful right then, were her words. It is, it was, and it always has been my nightmare, thosethree words.

She looked straight at me, her eyes were weary but fierce, "We're broke."

I was stricken, like thunder had struck me down my spine harder than I could ever have imagined. We were broke. My mother didn't waste any more time. She bustled past me, I could smell faint perfume, but I didn't care. I was lost in my own world, my own thoughts. I tried to pinch myself, but I wasn't in a dream. I wasn't in a nightmare; it was for real. The next few moments were a blur. People rushing by and through, luggage being packed and stored, and my mother screaming orders and dashing around. And soon the mansion was empty. Just my mother and me. I heard a whimpering sound, I was afraid someone else had come in. I turned around. But then I realized it was my mother. I had hardly seen my mother cry. Only twice. But now I could feel her sadness this time, I could feel it. Like it was me who was really crying. And soon I felt my own sadness coming out of me. My own tears. I hugged my mother, she held me tight. We kept our embrace. How long it has been since my mother has hugged me… how lonely, how empty my world seems right now… and now, where will we go? What will we eat? Can I still go to school? Will we be in rags? Do we have to live in the streets? What are we going to do? Questions flooded into my head. But no matter how many questions I had, I knew that I didn't want to hear the answers, I didn't want to hear anything. Only my mother's crying and mine.

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I hope you enjoyed my first fanfic here, please review! Thanx for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

As much as I do, act, and think, I might as well put all these down! A bunch of ideas just popped into my head today. If I don't start writing them down, I might as well BURST! Here's chapter 2! I hope you'll like it!

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**Chapter 2: To see her once more**

I had sense that it had happened. It was so weird. I had a special bond with my mother, but I never knew that it was this special. It happened while I was riding my bike home. It was a Friday, last day of school, last day of fifth grade. I'm not sure how it happened, but all I know, was that I knew something was wrong.

I pumped my legs up, faster and faster, I could see the dappled sunlight peering through the swaying trees, but I ignored them. I took a stand and forgot about the twisty turn about to come. The next few secondswas awhir and blur. I can remember the world spinning around, and then a complete KAPUT, I was skidding of the sidewalk and into the street. Then, by the time it all stopped whirling around, I was in the middle of the black pavement with the bike on my lap. My foot was twined into the bike and my knee was on the black floor. I felt an odd shudder and tried to stand up. I noticed that when I stood up that I trembled. I bit my lower lip. I wasn't worried about myself, I was worried about something else. I felt my senses tingling; I felt this weird taste in my mouth, rather in my head. Everything wasn't right. Not because of my foot, I just wasn't sure. It suddenly felt like my life had been dumped upside down. I felt like… a piece of my life had suddenly dropped out of the puzzle. And now… I felt lost? Lost where? How, when? What? Why was I feeling this? Why? I picked up my bike, my left leg continuing to quake and my right standing firm. I didn't bother about looking down at my bleeding scrape. I knew something was wrong. But what? I slowly went back on my bike. I could tell it was damaged, but it still didn't matter. I needed to find out what was wrong. So I rode my bike home slowly. I didn't feel like I was flying anymore, with the wind in my face and my cheeks flapping as I stood up. I was just drifting… on a cloud… slowly. It felt odd, but not as odd as that feeling. I got home. My house looked normal, dad's car was home, and I could tell that everything should be all right… or was it? I parked my bike and ran in. There was only one word in my mind right then. Mom.

Dad looked neutral, he saw me come in, I didn't tell him about the fall. His smile was flat, fake. I could tell. But right then, I didn't care, I didn't care about anything. I scanned the house, dad was home, and Touya was home, mom?

I blurt out words immediately without thinking, I didn't have to think. They just came to me.

"Where's mom?"

Touya turned around from the couch. The TV went dead. Dad's flat smile just went flatter. They looked weird… weird faces… I could tell they were just screwed up.

"She… she… she hasn't come home yet." Touya stuttered.

Had I ever heard Touya stutter?

Dad sighed, "Its all right Touya, let her find out. Spill it."

Touya looked straight at dad, "Why don't you tell her. Do you know how hurt she will be?"

Touya stood up and looked at me, "Tell her."

Dad cleared his throat, my own throat felt clogged.

"Actually… she… she's not coming back honey."

"Why? What happened?" I didn't want to know… but I already knew.

Tears were ready; they were ready to shoot. But dad wasn't.

"She can't. She… she…"

Touya cut into the cake, "She went to go take a stroll… and she got hit. By a car. She's dead Sakura, she's dead."

The words sliced into my heart. My heart was cut in two. That was how close I was to mother, like how much meat needed salt, that close. We needed each other, we loved each other, and we were just stuck. Glued. I didn't know what to do. To cry? To not cry? What did mother want? Dad wasn't crying. Touya looked like he was about to, but he was strong, he held them back.

I whispered, "I want to see her."

I couldn't understand, how could it have been that quick? How could it have happened? Why did it happened? Had I done something wrong? Was God punishing me? Why? Why is he punishing me? I wanted to die. I couldn't bear the thought of having to live somewhere else. This place was my home. I don't remember ever having a different place to stay, to live. (Besides Sakura's house) What were we going to do? How were we going to LIVE? I was ready to commit suicide. But then, I realized I was just being selfish. It was my mother who was really hurt. Whenever I could take a glance at her, she had tiny crystals in her eyes. When she couldn't take it anymore, she would go to the bathroom. I'd lean my ear on the door and listen. It was so hard to realize, to think what was going on in her mind. Was she sad because she had lost her company? House? Money? Or was it for me? Could those tears be for me? Of how I was to thrive? Of how my future would become? Would it be the same? Could it be the same? Could I go to school again? It was summer, I had plenty of time… no, my mother had plenty of time. We could still get a house; she could get a job… right? My mother tried. She tried hard. And even if we don't have the same lives, this made me realize, that she was my mother, and I loved her.

It happened about a few weeks after we were broke. We stayed around in my mother's friend's houses. She wouldn't go to Sakura's house because she wouldn't go see her rival. I have to say, I felt miserable. But then she said she found a house. I imagined a nice, big, comfy house. No. It was a big disappointment.

"An apartment!" I nearly died.

My mother saw my expression, her little glow of enthusiasm died completely. I felt guilty. I lowered my voice.

"It's still nice…" I patted my mother's back, "Thanks mom, its great."

She shook her head, "I'm sorry Tomoyo, I don't know how we can live anymore!"

I hugged my mom and scanned the apartment. Small… shaggy, but a still, it was better than never.

She looked at me with teary eyes, "Tomoyo, I found a job at a school, I'll be a librarian."

I smiled, "That's great mom. Were you a teacher before?"

And then something that had never happened between us happened. We had a mother-daughter-bond. A mother-daughter-talk-with-laughing. She told me about her young days before she was successful. She had been a teacher. She told me stories about when she was my age, in junior high, high school, and college. I was amazed about all these things I hadn't known before. We had a small dinner, we had a house, and she found a job. But there was something that wasn't happening. I wasn't going to the same school. I could never see Sakura again. We didn't have a car, we didn't have furniture, and I had no more pretty dresses. I still felt miserable. Mother or not, I felt dreadful. I had to let this feeling go, I was being selfish, but it was like trying to let go of your life. Wasn't my mother my life, wasn't she everything? Money and wealth isn't it? Why was I being so… selfish? At night I would cry in the bathroom when my mother was asleep. This loss made me realize even more. I was a selfish, greedy person. All I wanted was my camera, dresses, and house. What about my mother? What about my life? Why am I being so lame? I wanted to talk to Sakura; I needed to talk to Sakura. I could never see her again. I could never even meet her again. I needed to see her; I wanted to spill it all out. If not Sakura, than who else?

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Tomoyo's POV is pretty happy… but her problem is most about realizing, finding her true self. AHA! SO the REAL Tomoyo is a greedy, selfish girl, eh? I'm kidding; I like Tomoyo, if only she wouldn't stalk people so much (I stalk people! It's fun!). Hmm… I wonder what Sakura's mom would look like… dead? Please, please, please review! 


	3. Chapter 3

I dearly hope you people who read could at least review! But I'm glad to know at least people are reading this. I accept both criticism and comments as something to help my story! Thanx for those who do review and read my stories!

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**Chapter 3: Something Lost**

I was in total shock, I was in tears, but most of all, I was dead. My heart turned into a lump of… nothing. I just hung there, in the air, hanging there like… nothing. I can't understand, I really can't understand. Wasn't she a good mother? Wasn't she beautiful? Didn't she go to church and play the organ? Wasn't I a good child? Wasn't my dad a good husband? How did we deserve this? How? Why did we deserve this? Why did God swoop down and steal her away? Why would he do it? But most of all, what would I do? How could I live? Hovering in outer space would do me no good. So now what?

"I want to see her."

My dad glanced over to Touya. Touya glanced at me.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded, a lump in my throat.

Touya looked over at my dad. My dad was staring at me now. His eyes were so deep in sleep; it looked like he was looking through me, looking at something else, into a new dimension. My dad nodded.

"Let her see." My dad turned around and walked away.

Touya pointed up the stairs, "It would be better for you to go alone."

I stepped up on the stair. I continued to look ahead. But still I hesitated with each step. It took me an hour to get up there. I turned the knob slower. I was trembling with each movement. Each second, each minute, I finally got in.

When I first saw her, I felt my blood and heart stop, some sort of pressure just blew right past me like a large breeze in the autumn. I touched her white hand. It felt like ice. Her hair was sprawled everywhere. It covered up her face. I carefully brushed the hair away. I flinched. This, _this _is my mother? Her face, white like the plastered walls and like the pure white winter land in December, bony as well and her eyes were closed shut. And I knew they were to be, forever. How horrible, terrible my mother looked! I touched her again. She was so cold, even colder than trying to suck a whole Popsicle in your mouth. I felt like crying, but I couldn't. There was one puzzling thing on her face that I couldn't quite understand. She was smiling. Why? Wasn't she dead? Wasn't she miserable? If she could see her ugly state right now, wouldn't she frown? No… I shouldn't say ugly, she's still beautiful… very beautiful… but she can never be the same beautiful again. I saw a tear on her face. It wasn't hers, it was mine. I wiped it away and receded out the door. I wanted to see my mother get up from the bed, up from her death and stand up and look at me, I wanted to reach out and hug her, but I would never be able to do hug her again. Never. I ran out the door and ran down the stairs. I was angry. Brimmed up to the top my fury was, I was ready to explode.

Dad saw me come down. He smiled. I wanted to wipe that smile off his face. How could he smile too? Mom was dead. She was dead. How could he not be sad? How could he not cry? I wanted to scream. I stifled back anger and tears. But at dinner, I lost it. I flipped.

Our chopsticks clanked on the porcelain plates, other than that there was no sound. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand it. Touya was acting cool and calm and my dad was always smiling. Not a single tear, not a single word. Like mom had never even existed! Didn't they realize that something was missing? The person who made us laugh? The person who loved us? Didn't they feel anything… sad? Mad? Anything? My hand went down, my chopsticks nearly broke. Everyone was looking up at me now.

"Why aren't you sad? Mom died and she can't come back. She's gone. Why aren't you unhappy? Why are you pretending like she never existed? Why don't you feel sad?" My voice thundered.

Touya and dad avoided my death glaring eyes, continuing to eat like I hadn't said anything.

"Don't you understand? She's not on vacation, she's not sleeping, she's gone! And she won't be coming back! Why are you acting like this? Why? Mom's gone forever! She was the one who made us laugh and be happy! Is this how you repay her? Well I'm not going to act like that. No! I miss her because I love her. Don't you love her?" I felt shaky all over, Touya and dad looked over me.

Dad cleared his throat and said calmly, "Sakura, Na-"

"No! Stop it!" I cried, screaming louder than ever, "Mom's dead! Why can't you guys care?"

I put my hands on my ears and shook my head, "Don't talk to me ever! I hate you all!"

My body quaked and tears were streaming down my face. Everything was blurred, I felt dizzy, but I didn't care. I wanted to get away, away from these people who don't care about mom. I ran up the stairs and slammed my door. I flopped onto my bed and cried. There was only one thing on my mind. I was so stupid.

-

It was hard for me. It was all gone. All the money, all the clothes, all the videos, and how could I survive? My heart ached. Not because of all these were missing, because I had found out that I was self-centered and desirous. Fat with greed and wants. How was I to cut all this fat out? How was I going to get rid of my selfishness? I had already started my diet, but I had not decided it, fate had.

I caressed the porcelain plate carefully. How detailed the roses were, how elegant were those curves. How I wish that I could own it again.

"Tomoyo…"

I glanced up.

"Mother… I was…"  
Mother sighed and kneeled down beside me. She took the plate carefully from my hands and fingered the wonderful designs.

"This was a plate a good friend of mine bought in Germany." Her eyes glued onto the plate.

I stared at the plate, studying it, "It's beautiful."  
Her voice seemed weak, "Yes…"

She put the plate back on the table, "But now it will have a new owner."

I kept my eyes on it. I grasped for it but held myself back. It was no longer ours; it would be somebody else's by the end of the day.

"Come, Tomoyo, we have customers." Mother guided me to the counter.

"Here, just count the money and make sure they give the right amount." Mother placed her hands on my shoulders.

I sat down and filed through the table. Soon, customers were lined up in front of me as I quickly jot down the price and took money and gave back money. Everything went so quick, that hours passed like the wind. Soon, everything was gone. The room was empty. Tables were set away, items that had not been sold were kept, and then it was only mother, me, and a goose lamp. It was dark. The sky was slowly painted black and resplendent stars twinkled. The florescent moon stepped out of the dark and reflected on my hair. My mother gave a meek smile, a tear forming in her eye. It fell. I watched as it splattered to the ground. I felt my own tear fall. I gripped the neck of the goose lamp and took a step toward my mother. My hair shimmered with each step.

"Tomoyo…" My mother's eyes were flooding with tears now.

I looked up at my mother. Was she crying because of her plate? Or because we were broke? For me? Why?

"Tomoyo…" My mother was now crying out loud, "Nadeshko died…"

There were loud whimpers. I hugged my mother as she put her head on my shoulder. I cried too. Poor Sakura… poor me… but who was sadder now? Her or me? I didn't know what do to anymore. I was confused. I was lost.


	4. Chapter 4

I think this one is a very boring chapter... why don't you just skip to the next chapter? I need to delete this one soon... why did I ever make this story in the first place? Well... I guess I wasn't thinking.

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**Chapter 4: Adjusted**

Usually I'm not a flipper, I don't scream and slam my door, I don't thump up the stairs like crazy and yell stupid things at my dad. But it was hard not to, especially if they seemed like they didn't care about the one you love, and the one they loved too. It was hard to let go of her, it was hard to let her leave and meet God. So I went to go talk to God. I went to church.

A sweet and cool breeze swiftly entered my room. I felt it surrounding me, but when I lifted my eyes, I couldn't feel it anymore. Sitting up, I saw my window was wide-open, moonlight pouring in. The beams of light colored my hands as I lifted them up and inspected the miraculous wonder. The sight made me think of angels, and that day I went to church, a day ago.

I don't remember why I left the house secretly, tiptoeing out the door and glancing this way and that, making sure big brother didn't see me. I managed to pass through without being caught, so I walked leisurely down the sidewalk, my feet wandering away. My mind was crowded with thoughts, mostly about mother. About why she left, and how soon she had too. Sadness and despondency filled my heart, making me sag and wilt like an unwatered rose. There are so many things she hadn't seen, so many things she hadn't seen me accomplish yet. My marriage, my graduation, my first year of middle school, my first kid, she hadn't been able to even become a grandmother! And, furthermore, there were so many things I would miss out. No more stories, no more family laughs, no more… no more…

I found myself crying those thoughts away. And when I looked up, I realized my wandering feet and brought me to church.

There was no one around; I was all alone on the silent sidewalk. And the church, the door was slightly opened. I wondered if someone had forgotten to lock it. It was just a coincidence that I could open it and step in, and there still was no one. But a flicker of light caught my eye, and I saw there was a lit candle.

"Hello?" I called softly.

The wax hadn't been used up yet, it was as if someone had prepared this… and someone was still in here.

"Hello?" I called out again, still unsure.

No one answered but my own echo.

I glanced around, shivering and scared to my wits. It was still empty. Empty benches, empty chairs, empty hallways, and only a red curtain running up the front where the pastor would stand and preach. Then there was an organ.

I made my way to the musical box. I was drawn to it. My heart thumped so hard, I could feel it in my throat.

Thump. Thump. Step. Step.

Each step I took I felt more scared, but I kept going, there was no stopping me, I couldn't stop me.

I sat down on the oak bench. I put a hand on a key but I didn't press down.  
The music… this music… I know that song. It was a song… from so long ago… it seemed like so at least.

And then… I was sure I heard someone singing this song. And playing it on the organ.  
I didn't shiver, I didn't get scared, because the song was so beautiful, so familiar, and so…

And then I remembered.

My mother.

It was my mother.  
I could hear her gentle, beautiful voice. Chiming the perfect tunes, and striking softly on the keys, that even the deaf could hear the wonderful song.

I closed my eyes, the sound grew louder and louder until I was sure that she was right next to me, playing the organ and singing, smiling at me.

And when I opened my eyes, I was sure that I saw her for a second. Her long, flowing hair, her graceful fingers flying over the keys, her soft, gentle eyes watching me, and wings… long and white. I could almost touch it, like it was really tangible, and clutch her hair to make sure she really was there. The music stopped, she stroked my hair. I closed my eyes; I could almost feel her warm embrace.

Then she was gone. Her touch, her song, _she _was gone. And so I left. With something in my heart I couldn't drop.

It was ten o' clock. I slipped under the covers and imagined my mother sitting beside me, singing the song again. The sweet, redolent smell of her clothes and the warm touch of her hand, but these things could never happen in real life anymore. No matter how sure I am, no matter how much I wish, no matter how much I imagine, but in my heart, I felt like it was possible. And maybe it is. Maybe it is.

I closed the window and crept back in my bed. I was glad I had my big brother around, and for once, I was really glad that at least he and my dad were still alive and there to protect me, and maybe Nadeshko is happy above.

-

Some times, I think I would be better off living in a huge palace and or a mansion still, not in this shabby apartment. At first, I would moan to myself, and plug my nose as we got out of the apartment. It wasn't that bad, but for a young lady who lived with a queen, maybe. I don't know, I don't know. I want to be an altruistic, kind and mannered woman who isn't pomp with greasy greed. Not eating fat burgers and fries of wealth and money, but free and bountiful. Yet, I'm not all that wonderful, yet I'm not so caring and free. And yet, I wish I were but I don't try. And now I'm shivering with those thoughts, that haunt me through my night, scare me with their prickling words. _Tomoyo, Tomoyo! So greedy and selfish! So uncaring and wonderful like you wish you were… but yet you don't even try to be so magnificently giving. You ravenous kid, you fat gluttony wonder! Wake up! You think you're all that. Beautiful and nice, smart and creative, although you aren't! _And then I scream. I wish summer would end, I wish my life would end, I want school to start so mom can start reliving her successful life like before. We can be rich and prosperous, full of college money and dress outfits. How marvelous; summer is just starting.

How can something happen so sudden? How can it be possible? And how can it have a large affect on the person like they are about to die now or something? Is this what life is like? Is this what life wants? Suffering? Madness? I must say, I'm nuts right now. All I can do and stink in the bathroom and cry. Even my mother can hear me now. And what can I say? She's just as nuts and tragic like me. Nothing is going right.

"Tomoyo?"

I looked up from my hands.

"Tomoyo?" The door banged again.

"Yeah?" I wiped my tears and kept my voice from shaking.

She stopped banging and sighed. She sighed so loud it was more like a heavy breath from running.

"I'm leaving…"

"WHAT!" I opened the door.

My mother laughed and hugged me, she kept her hands tightly strung around me and whispered into my ear.

"Silly, I'm only leaving to buy groceries." She let go and gave me a peck on the check.

I forced a smile on my face. I was obliged to go. But at least now I had a reason to leave this apartment.

My mother kept hold of my hand the whole time, even while she was driving, like I was going to run away. She gripped it tight so I gripped back. I can feel no rush there. I could feel silence between us like all the other days when we're not having mother-daughter-bond-talks. Sometimes I can feel her thoughts, but I'm not too sure. I make them up as I go. Like she's thinking, "Oh, this house stinks." Or "I wish we could live in a big house again." No, maybe those are my thoughts, maybe its just me… maybe I'm the only one who thinks of these things. I have millions of ways I could complain to my mother. But I've never complained to anybody in my life. Because everything went smooth, smooth like butter, smooth like silk, and now, it's like the bumpiest road I've ever taken.

"Tomoyo… what do you want to buy?"

I had never gone shopping, only last week and we bought milk and bread. That's it. This week we made a profit of ten dollars; I babysat to get that money, ten dollars changing a baby's diaper. I believe I should have gotten more.

She waved her money and laughed, "I even threw in ten more dollars from my part time job I got."

She told me that since there was no school going on, she was going to be part time working as a waitress. I nearly fainted when she first told me. But I kept a straight face and poured cold water down my shirt to keep me awake. It was a most utterly appalling experience. I hope I will never have to do that again.

"Tomoyo?" She pushed me a little bit.

"Ok. How about shampoo."

She nodded her head, "Ok, and food?"

I had never been concerned with what I would eat in my life. There was always something. Just snap my fingers and ask a maid to bring me a slice of raspberry, cream cheesecake.

"Cheesecake…" The words sprang out of my mouth.

"What?" My mother swerved a bit to the right, sliding her other hand onto the wheel.

"Um… bananas and apples." I jerked to the right.

"Fruit… what about vegetables?" She jolted to the left.

"Caa-bbaage…" I moaned as we continued to jerk and jolt.

"Sorry honey… I'm getting adjusted."

Yes, she was. As I said, I was on a bumpy road… or maybe just in a car with a bumpy driver. My mom always had her limousine. Common sense. She wouldn't need to drive. So, twelve years without driving. Like twelve years without biking. You would have to start all over, right?

"Mom… do you think I'm… selfish?" I bit my lip and slid my fingers in together.

My mom glanced over at me and stroked her fingers in my hair, "Oh, honey. Of course you're not."

"But I feel like I've lost something great! Like I've lost my life!" I cried out loud. I was glad I still had my mom.

"You just need to learn how to adjust. It will take a while." She smiled.

I nodded, keeping my head bent.

Mom parked abruptly and opened the door, "Well, we're here."


	5. Chapter 5

I thank you all for so many hits! And for Cherry-SweetHearts for being one of my first favorites! But... I will be slow on updates from now on... my parents are banning me from using the computer so much... sorry! And... perhaps my stories get unsad as it goes on... because different problems occur... and they might not seem sad... just dramatic to the characters... I'm sorry! I'm sorry... I'm sooo sorry... But please read on! I promise I'll make them better!

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**Chapter 5: A Chain, A City**

Whenever one bad thing happens, a chain occurs. Soon, after that horrible thing, another one happens. And then another… and another… and even another… until something can finally break your luck. But it all has just begun, the chain, the circle, and it's just beginning, and I wish it never had begun.

I will never forgive my father, I hate him, I wish mom had stayed alive. I wish he were the dead one… why am I talking like this? Why? Why have I suddenly turned so…so… I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. All I'm doing is waiting, waiting for more to happen. And that's exactly what happened. More happened.

"When is dad coming home? I thought he wouldn't have work on Saturdays. He said he's usually free." I nagged my brother again.

"For the hundredth time, I don't know." He answered gruffly.

"Where is he? Maybe he…" I bit my lip and shuddered, I couldn't say it out loud, "had an accident…"

My brother bonked me on my head, "You dummy, of course he didn't…"

But then he didn't say anything or make fun of me again. He stared out the window with a solemn face.

I heard a car pulling into our drive. It was dad. I could see that his tie was a bit crooked and he kept smiling like he had been having a date with Nadeshko once more. He entered the door a bit oddly. He was humming and singing. Whistling and smiling some more he was. I wished my anger would flare up a bit, but then I was too sleepy to think any of it. Until the next day.

The doorbell rang and it was only seven in the morning.

I flew down the stairs like I could fly, ready to bust that door open. But then my dad beat me to it. Since when did my dad like opening the door? Doesn't he usually let me do it? Realizing that he hadn't seen me, I retreated, sure that this guy was just another newspaper seller. It was a woman. A woman. A woman? I peered over the banister, only her shaved feet and the back of my dad's head visible.

"Oh, hi Janet." He sounded 'unsurprised'.

And who was Janet I wondered.

"Good morning Fujitika!" She hugged him.

Was this his business partner just greeting him? Or just flirting with him?

"Come on in. I'll introduce you to the kids." He took her jacket and hung it on the coat rack.

And now… I was suspicious as anybody would be.

I flew back up those stairs and bust through my brother's door.

"Touya! Touya! There's this woman named Janet flirting with dad!" I shook him awake.

Touya opened one eye, and then closed it, "Dreaming." Was all he said.

I slapped him, "I was not! Come down to see for yourself than! I'm serious! Dad invited her into our house!"

Touya shook his head, "Work."

I got irritated and began shaking him and slapping him at the same time, "No! She hugged him too! And they called each other by their first names! Touya! Why can't you wake up you lazy!"

Touya sat up, "Ok, ok. Just stop it." He got up and pulled on some pants.

"Hurry up Touya!" I pushed him out the door.

"Touya! Sakura! Come down! I want you to meet someone!" Dad called.

"See!" I pushed him harder.

He stayed put, snickering. I pushed harder. He moved a giant step. My nose kissed the floor. He snickered and went down the stairs.

"Owe! Touya!" I chased him down the stairs.

He suddenly stopped and my nose pressed on his back this time. I rubbed it and peeked over to the side to see why he stopped. And then I stopped dead too.

Dad was holding hands with this lady and they were both smiling. She was in too much of a pretty dress to seem like a businesswoman.

He smiled at us, "Good morning kids. I'd like you to meet Janet."

-

Today, I don't think that living where I live is that much of a problem anymore. I think I live a pretty good life, I think I'm living a-ok. I think everything in my life is going smooth. But last summer I didn't, of course I didn't. But then, after going to the city, something changed my view. And that view has still affected me today.

Maybe, just maybe, my life isn't so bad. Maybe, just maybe, this life isn't the worst. And maybe, when my mother will earn just enough money, just maybe, we may be able to move into our own house. No apartment fees, no limited money. We can buy another house. Maybe, just maybe, another mansion or even a house… just a house… and that thought occurred to me just today. Maybe, maybe…. All these maybes and hopes started yesterday. And maybe… that trip was exactly what I needed… just maybe…

It was like any other day, any other morning. I wake up to my wet pillow and scabby scenery. Blankets sprawled around the floor, a kitchen with practically nothing on the counter or in the cabinets, and three doors. One is the entrance door, one is the bathroom door, and the other is a closet about three feet big. That's what I saw every morning instead of my old room, filled with frippery and luxury, the big window enlightening my day. Not anymore… not anymore.

My mother stooped over to look at me straight in the eye. Today she held a smile. Yes. A smile. Not the one because anything was funny, or that fake smile that held back tears, but a smile. Those smiles that show hope and love. Those smiles that show smiles, happy, hope. That was my enlightment that morning. And I think it still will be to any other day. Any other day…

"Good morning Tomoyo." She stood back up, that smile still on her face.

I nodded and smiled back. I think it was the same type of smile, I think.

"Morning mother." I stood up.

She patted my head, "My, my, getting taller aren't you." She sighed, but that smile still on her face.

"Do we…" I looked around, "… have anything to eat?"  
My mother had that smile plastered on, she wouldn't drop it, "I was thinking about taking a little trip."

"A trip?" My eyes widened.

She laughed, was she laughing at me?

"Yes, a trip through the city and to an old college's house?" Mother held my hands tight, still smiling.

I bit my lip, "A trip… a trip… ok…" I nodded.

And so it was. We were in the car and going. It was an hour drive until we got to downtown. I thought I might be excited, gloomy, or even bored. There might be rich people strolling through the streets with fancy bags and high heels, dresses made from the latest fashion, and even sparkling eyes winking at each other. Fancy hotels, large business buildings, lavishing buffets. Obviously, I had never been through the streets of a BIG city with towering buildings. I also occupied my thoughts about grocery shopping. It occurred to me that my mother was looking for 'on sale' things, buying canned food and no more special cakes or delicacies, no more cakes. Asparagus, a box of cereal, carton milk, a jug of juice, peaches, apples, bananas, oranges, broccoli, a pan, beans, some sort of weird meat, and a turkey sandwich was probably what we mostly got. I saw no more fruit tarts or steaming eggs with fried bacon, crepes were out of my sight, and no more rich snacks for me. And even worse. I had to cook. No, it wasn't cooking as in baking cakes and making food for Sakura and me to eat lunch. I had to cook... because I had to. There was no more maids to prepare our dinner, to send us tea and cakes. Those little petite delights. I used to like to cook... because I didn't have to, because it was just a little side hobby. Now, there is no choice. Those thoughts traveling in my head, telling me how horribly miserable my life was... but that isn't true. Wait until I saw the city.

Then we arrived. It startled me, no, it shocked me to death to see what the city was like. There were dirty, grimy streets and ragged people huddling in cardboard boxes. A man with only a moth-bitten hat and ripped gloves, short jeans and a shirt with a hole in it, pushed a shopping cart around. I watched with terror as a woman wearing a woolen shawl over her head and no shoes walked across the burning pavement. A little, unpopular stand selling magazines and newspapers, people just walking past it, walking through it, as if it were just a ghost stand and never existed. In the dark alleys and shadows were trash and gangsters hovering over pot and smoke. How horrible it was to see such people! And I thought I lived a life of poor and no food! I could at least get some cereal while they crawled over trashcans and sidewalks to find a single scrap of food! And to think my mother had gotten a horrible job! How could I have been so selfish! How could I have thought my house looked like a dump? We finally passed the ghettos and after another hour of thinking about what I had just seen, we arrived to the college's house.

And now we are home. We spent a night at their house, and then went through another way so we didn't have to pass those horrible streets again. I stand in front of the door to the apartment.

"Mom…" I look up into her eyes.

"Oh… Tomoyo…" Her eyes have tears.

I hug her hard, love fills my heart and I wish I never have to let go and I can forget about the world and disasters around me. Just my mother and me, together, forever. But I let go.

I whisper with tears in my eyes too, "Thank you… mother…"

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Tomoyo's story STINKS! Therefore, I'll update the next one tomorrow... that is if I can manage to get onto the computer... keep reading! Oh... I do hope people enjoy this... 


	6. Chapter 6

This chapter goes all for Cherry-SweetHeart! For reviewing and for telling me the fifth chapter is NOT sucky... but this one is... I'm almost sure of it.

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**Chapter 6: Alone In an Upside Down World**

Sometimes… it's just like your world was turned upside down… thrown into a pit where endless horrors reign. Sometimes… it's just like nothing is going your way… nothing is going right. And that nothing is just like before. Because before was perfect. And now it's chaos. No. It's more than chaos. It's like the deep, fiery dungeons of hell. That's what I am feeling now. Some things get worse. And I'm sure my life just did. Is there such thing as a place worse than where Satin lives? Is it possible? Am I in that place? Where am I? I know one thing. I'm not on Earth… I'm not. Or maybe I just hope not.

"I'd like you to meet Janet." My dad finished off with a white, gleaming smile.

The lady smiled at us.

I just gaped. I think my brother did too.

"I met her…" His voice wandered off.

The lady quickly cut in, "I'm from America."

I have one thing to say about her. She has horrible Japanese.

"I met Fujitaka while I was going to my hotel." She looked up at my dad dreamily, "He is such a wonderful man."

My father grinned back down at her.

My head is raging, my tongue is flaming, and my eyes are blood red. I can see her in flames… burning… burning… putting a spell on my innocent father. I can see my mother up above, watching us, crying, watching her beloved fall into a horrible trap of a wicked monster… I can see it… I can… I can…

"Sakura?"

"Hoe?" I look up.

"Sakura. What a cute name." She giggled.

I pretend to blush and be all giggly… but in my mind… I scream… I pout… I tell myself to grab her by the neck and choke her for stealing my father away.

"And Touya…" She looks at my brother with soft, kind eyes, "… your name means peach blossom, right?"

Touya gives off a gloomy expression, turning his gaze to somewhere else and a, "hmph."

Dad laughs.  
How can he laugh? How can he suddenly get a new girlfriend? And right after mom's death! How? HOW! HOW? I can't believe him! I really can't!

I bite my lip… my anger… it's slowly creeping out… out of my hands….

I clench them tight.

Out of my teeth….

I clench them tight.

Out of my feet.

I'm storming up the stairs… and… screaming… screaming….

"DAD!" I growl through my clenched teeth.

No. That's not what happens.

I kick myself. Because there's nothing else I _can_ do.

I fall to the floor.

I cry.

Touya… dad… and even stupid Janet… ask me, "Are you ok? Are you hurt? Let me help you up."

But I push them away. I don't want them. I want mom. And I say it. Loud and clear.

"Mommy… I want mommy…"

-

If only I were happy with whom I am. If only I could see myself as a rich girl again. And I am. I am rich in love. I have my mother, who deeply loves me only. I love her back. I love her more than anything. I love her more than my video cameras, my dresses, my room, my sweets, my dear sowing tools, and my own theater. I love her… more than these earthly things… or so I hope. Because, deep inside me, I know, even if I've realized I'm living a not-so-bad-life, I still want… I still think and mourn about the days before. I know. Even if I wish I didn't. I wish I could turn into a new leaf, into a new, fresh, green leaf. A new, clean, fresh, green, summer leaf. But that's a wish. A could. Not a will. But who knows… if I could… if I will… if it can become more than just a wish….

Today my mother told me that she was going to some meeting. I was to stay at the park near our apartment. Nowhere else. Not to go with strangers. Yell if being kidnapped. And… more motherly warnings. This was so unlike before. I hadeight bodyguards. Strong and well experienced. I knew them well, I liked them well, they knew me well, they respected me well, but now… they've vanished along with the wealth. The mansion. And I am to go without a bodyguard. It is a most utterly, chilling, scary experience. But now I'm free… but now I'm scared…

"Goodbye Tomoyo!" Mother waved, and then ran off with her head bowed and looking away from me.

I waved back. I wanted her to take me with her. But I knew she couldn't.

I watched her disappear behind the crowds. Away… farther away from my reach.

I turned around to look at this park. It's not the same, magical, convenient Penguin Park. It's just a regular, apartment park.

Bars. Swings. Slides. Ladder. Platform. Children. Sandbox.Drinking fountain. And mothers sitting on shady benches while chatting their way through the afternoon.

I stand here. I stand here bold. I stand here trembling. I stand here looking and trying to make myself comfortable. But no matter how much I try, I know its not Penguin Park. I know Sakura isn't here with me to go on the swings and talk about vacation. I know I'm here with little kids in the sandbox. I know I'm the only sixth grader going to seventh grade here. And that's why I'm trembling. Yet I'm bold. Because I know I need to be bold.

I slowly pad my feet into the sand. I feel myself sinking in. Like my life, my once home. My once life, sinking into the very same sand. But those have already sunk. And I've suddenly reached the bottom. I'm not sinking. I haven't sunk. I wasn't sinking. But I thought I was. I thought… I thought I lost it all… I thought it all sunk… but the real thing that really sunk was… was me. I sunk myself in. Now I'm confused. Am I sinking? Have I sunk? Aren't I NOT sinking? Wait… what… what… who… sink… I'm confusing myself… the world is spinning… the sand is sucking me in… I'm… I'm… I'm….

"Excuse me lady… do you happen to know where the bathroom is?"

I wake up.

I remember now. I'm on Earth. I'm breathing. I'm alive. I haven't sunk. Neither has my life. As long as I'm still here… as long as I'm still alive… as long as I have my mother… I'll be fine. I'll be fine.

I look down at the young girl. I smile. She smiles… but shakes her legs…

"Over there. Do you want me to go with you?" I ask gently.

"My mom tells me not to go with strangers." She runs off to the way I pointed.

I smile. I laugh. I am fine. I will always be fine. Poor or rich. Apartment or mansion. I am fine. And I always will be.

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Yeah, well, if you were glad this chapter ever came out, it was because of Cherry-SweetHeart! I might have not put this chapter up ya know... I might have deleted this story... yup yup, but I can't anymore cuz I got someone who likes this story! Happy happy! Yup yup... school's starting so I tried to put up as muchas I could... I'll be quite slow... when... school... begins...


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: The Perfect Picture**

I never believed that father could love anyone else but mother. I never thought he would choose another woman. And even if he did, I never thought he would do it so quick. Why did he do it? Why? For years, we were all so happy. We had a family. We were a family. We had a father, a mother, a boy, a girl… we had it all. We were a great, loving, perfect family. And now… now we're dispersed, scattered, somewhere but nowhere. Family, but not family. We're not a family. We're a broken up family. Mother is lost. We need her. She made us laugh. She was our glue. And with her gone, with her dead, we've cracked. Father has found another woman. Touya is so ignorant. I never see him smile or laugh anymore. And me? I see the ugly side of myself. I see my evil side. Where I pout, I shout, I scream, I hate people. It's just not family. We're just not family. It made realize, how much we needed each other, how much we need a family. Because, that's what life is. Family.

"Big brother… me… mother… father…" My finger traces the picture.

Touya hovers above me. He sees the picture too.

"Big brother… me… father…" My voice begins to falter as I whisper, "mother…."

Touya puts his hand on the picture. He slides it out of my hands.

I shout, "No! It's mine! It's my family! You can't take it away from me!" I have tears as I grab the picture.

"I have a family! I do! And you can't take it away from me! You can't!"  
I don't why I'm screaming. He didn't do anything. He just wanted to… he was taking it… he… he… wanted to see it. That's it. He just wanted to see it. So why am I yelling at my own big brother? Why did I react so oddly? What has happened to me? What has happened to us? Father? Mother? Big brother? Me? What _is _happening to us?

I run up the stairs, I slam my door shut and lock it, I sit down, and I look down at the picture again. My eyes are wet and my hands tremble.

The picture was from Kindergarten. I drew it. It has four circles. Big brother. Me. Father. And mother. It has my family. I loved it. I loved my family. We were the perfect picture, the perfect family. We fixed a puzzle to make it perfect. And now what? The pieces are jumbled. And we have a jumbled puzzle.

There is so much to family that I've never seen before. There's love. There's encouragement. There's protection. There's hope. There's laughter. There are fights. There's togetherness. There's so much to family. And we had it all.

But not anymore.

We don't have love anymore. There's no more encouragement. There's no protection, no hope, no more laughter. There's too many fights, and there are missing pieces. We're not together anymore! There's no family breakfast! No jokes! No stories! No more… no more love! No more! There's nothing! And we have nothing! There's just ash, missing pieces, dust, moth bitten stuff, rotten and molded, everything is rusty and there's no way to polish it. Not anymore.

And how much I realize I need it. How much I want it again. I want my family. I want my love. I want my mother! I want… I want a family again! I want it… I just want…

No.

I don't just want it. I need it. I need family. Isn't that the reason God made family! Isn't that why God made us? To have a family? To be together? Forever? To love each other. To help each other. To stay together. To be together. And to have each other whenever we need each other?

I'm sobbing loudly, my cries are so loud, my tears are so gigantic I could fill the room. I'm crying out to God. I'm asking him. Why? Why? WHY? Where's my family? Where is it? What have you done to it? And… and… and… there's no more to ask. No more to say. But yes. There is! I could ask him millions of questions. But they would all begin with why. With what. With where.

And then I hear a rustle at my door. I'm suddenly quiet. Someone had been listening to me. Someone had been there the whole time. My heart beats quick. My tears stop. I still tremble. I stay quiet. I listen. And I think whoever is at my door is listening too. Is trembling too. Is trying to stay quiet too.

And then… I realize too. I'm not alone. I'm not the only one with so much pain, with so many trials that I don't know what to do. And… I feel better. Because I know I'll never be alone. And I know that… mother has never left my side. She is still here. She always has… she always will…

"Come in." I call.

"Come in."

The door opens.

I'm smiling. I'm smiling. My smile… it's a true smile. A smile I haven't used for such a long time. And I like it.

-

Life is like swings. They can go high, up into the glorious sky. Or they can descend, deeper, down, into the horrible unknown. And they can stay flat, still, with no children laughing and swinging on them. They can be up, down, or still. Like how life can be happy, sad, or just… nothing's going either way. And the way you see life is in the 'eye of the beholder'. It depends on what you believe. I believed it was a horrible life then, a horrible, down life. Not only because we had lost our mansion, but because I had found the true me. The ugly, cruel, selfish me.

I want to ask someone. Someone I know I can trust, someone I know will tell me the truth. I want to ask that person to tell me. Am I ugly? Am I cruel? Am I selfish? Am I greedy? I want to ask the person I dearly love. I want to ask. I want to call that person. I want to hear her voice once again. I want to talk to her. Spill my thoughts. Spill my feelings. Oh, to hear her voice again. To hear Sakura's voice again.

My hand twitches… my fingers open up and curl tight, I can almost feel it slipping it between my hands.

My eyes are glued to it. I cannot turn away. I can almost feel it pressing against my ear.

There is nothing stopping me, I am all alone in this small room. It's just me, silence, and the phone.

I stand not far away, but for each step I take, it becomes farther away.

I stop myself. But that makes me more eager.

I want to call Sakura. I want to ask her for advice, I need her smile, I need her to make me feel better, I want to tell her everything. How I feel, what has been happening, and everything. I want to spill my secrets, my emotions, tell her everything. Everything. Those things I cannot even tell my mother. So how can I tell them to my best friend? And how can I be sure that she herself has so many problems? And what if we begin to argue? About who has more sadness, more problems, more… more… more… Will it break our friendship? Will I lose my best friend as well?

I can't. I can't lose Sakura. She may be the only thing left, the only thing left that I love. What about my mother? They both are the only things left. I can't lose either of them. But what if the time comes for me to decide? Who will I choose?

And… and I can't call Sakura. Not even the slightest chance.  
I shake my head. That's right. I can't. I won't.

And I say it out loud to confirm it.

"I can't and I won't. I won't give her more to worry about. She has already lost her mother. I won't tell her. I won't tell her a thing."

I won't tell her about me not being able to go back to the same school. I won't tell her that we have moved. I won't tell her that we're broke. I won't tell her that my mom will become a librarian. I won't tell her that we live in a shabby apartment instead of a glamorous mansion. I won't tell her anything. I won't.

But a thought creeps into my mind.

Then… I won't tell her anything… but… is it wrong to know just call her? To pretend everything is fine? Like everything is perfectly smooth again, to just say hi, to justask how she's doing… to just… to just… just call her. Yes. Just call her. Won't that be fine? And, I won't tell her a thing. Just call her. Yes. It'll be fine… I think.

I'm right in front of the phone.

I lift my hand tremulously.

Thoughts race through my mind. There's so many thoughts. Some tell me to not do it, and some tell me to do it. I don't know… should I?

But then, it's too late. My hand is holding it now. The long, slender phone.

I press the buttons.

_No! _

A part of me screams.

_Don't! What will you say? You can't! You know you can't! Hang up! Drop it! Drop the phone! Don't do it! No!_

But then, the other part is taunting me.

_Yes! Do it. It won't hurt, just call her, tell her you're fine. Tell her everything is a-ok. Just do it. There's nothing there to stop you._

And slowly, the first part is dying. It's fading away no matter how hard it is screaming for me to stop. Because I'm pressing the phone to my ear, I've pressed the last number, and I hear the phone ringing inside the phone. I hear it ringing inside my head. I hear the other part telling me its too late anyways.

And then… the ringing stops. Someone has stooped down to pick it up.

There's a voice, "Hello?"

It's Sakura's voice.

* * *

as the usual... slow... horrible... and certainly a stupid story. It's not getting any sadder! Where am I taking this story too? I've just got to stop making them smile... I need them to CRY CRY CRY!

Aw... Cherry-SweetHeart is such a sweet and nice cherry with a big heart... this story is all dedicated to my one and only reviewer!


	8. Chapter 8

Yay! Yay! I'd like to thank Cherry-SweetHeart AND A Cannon! Yeah yeah! Thanx to those two... my greatest reviewers... and poor Sakura won't be getting any hugs at all... and poor Tomoyo is greedy... a liar...

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Chapter 8: A Call From Tomoyo 

There's more to the chain than I thought. There are more rough edges. There are no more smooth ones. There's a pit wherever I step. And there are more than what I could ever have imagined. And here I am. I'm looking down into a pit, and another, and then another. And I'm looking down into one now. It's deeper than any other. I can't reach the bottom. I can't touch it. I don't know where it leads; I don't know what could be in there. For some reason I want to know what's down there, but I'm scared to know. To know the truth. I'm scared to know the truth.

I've lost touch with Tomoyo. I just called her, the phone still in my hand. I pressed the numbers, I've redialed them, and I just know I can't be wrong. I want to call her, to have her help me. I really need help, I really need to know that there's someone out there who CAN help me. And that's what a best friend is supposed to do. Like Tomoyo.

The slender phone is in my grasp. I call again. The receiver says the phone number no longer exists. How can that be possible? Perhaps Tomoyo has moved? She wouldn't… at least not without telling me.

Now I'm feeling lonely. I feel so alone, so deserted, I feel scared, I need Tomoyo's gentle, encouraging voice. I wish she were over here, filming me in a new costume. I miss her. It's been such a long time. Where have we been? What has kept us so far apart? I can't reach her anymore. She's too far down the pit. And what if she's gone too? I can't lose Tomoyo either! No! I couldn't! I can't! But who knows what God can do, who knows what he will do next.

Suddenly, the phone is ringing in my hand.

"It's probably for daddy…" Janet maybe.

The phone keeps ringing. Daddy hasn't picked it up.

"Maybe its for Touya." Yukito maybe.

The phone keeps ringing. It's not Touya's either.

So I press the phone to my ear, take a deep breath, and press the button.

"Hello?"

There's silence.

"Hello?"  
Still no respond.

I'm ready to put the phone down.

"Sakura-chan." A soft voice says on the other line.

It's so familiar… the soft voice I've wanted to hear… for such a long time!

"Tomoyo-chan? Tomoyo!" I'm bursting into tears, "Tomoyo! I tried to call you so many times! But the receiver said the phone number no longer existed! Tomoyo! Where have you been? I really miss you! I'm having so much trouble, why can't you come over anymore? I feel so lonely."

"Sakura… I'm very sorry." She answers quietly.

"But… but… I'm sorry too. I may have forgotten your real phone number." I dry my eyes.

"No. No. It's not your fault. We… we… we just changed our phone number."

"Oh. Ok…" Does that mean she's moved? "Did you… move?"

"M…mmm…move? Of course not! I… I mean… really. I would never move away from you Sakura!" Tomoyo sounded a little shaky.

"Are you alright Tomoyo?" I'm worried… has something happened to her?

"Yes! Fine! Wonderful! Splendid! Superb! I'm having the best time of my life… ur… watching videos I taped of you… ur… making more costumes… ur… researching about what style I should do next. Of course I'm fine!" She was babbling too much, I couldn't keep up with her. But I did notice she was not being her normal self. Something drastic must have happened. Perhaps she wouldn't like me to talk about it… I'll wait until she'll begin talking about it.

"So… Sakura-chan… how has your summer been?" Tomoyo suddenly went quiet, "Oh… I'm so sorry… I forgot about… your… mother…"

"How do you know about that?"

"My mother found out. I'm sorry we couldn't come to the funeral."

"We didn't have a funeral." I answered quietly. "We're preserving her body. I don't want bugs to eat her up." It's a coarse whisper.

Tomoyo seems as quiet as I am. I wonder what she is thinking about too.

"Sakura-chan… I just wanted to call to let you know…"

Has something happened? Will she tell me? Why is she acting so weirdly?

"… that I've really missed you during the summer so far… uh… we're going on a trip to my great grandfather's hometown… I won't be home so much anymore… ur… I'll be taking a semester of school there…"

"What!" I want to scream.

But instead, I say softly, "Why?"

"My mother says… I am very smart… and… I should go to a better school." Tomoyo sounded a little somber, but stuttered and stumbled over her words like they weren't true.

"Oh. I hope you do well." I praise quietly.

"Thank you Sakura… good bye… I'll miss you."

There's a click… and then the phone went dead.

I put the phone down.

Tomoyo is going somewhere and won't come back for a long time. I'm alone again. I've lost Tomoyo. I've lost another person I dearly love. I've lost mother, father, and then Tomoyo. They're all falling deeper down the pit… I'm all alone… there's no more smiles… no more laughs… no more family gatherings… there's no more picnics with my best friend… and… how am I going to get all these things back? How do I get them all back?

-

I've hardly lied in my life. Because I know lying is a sin, unless it's to keep a secret safe. And, I've never lied to Sakura, because she's my best friend. And I love her. But ever since we left the mansion, I began to think I was a fraud. And maybe I am. I'm selfish, I'm greedy, and now I'm a liar. I've always been. I always lied to myself that I was a kind, beautiful, gentle, unboastful girl. I always lied to myself that I never lied unless it was for a secret. And I would never, ever lie to Sakura. But I did. And most of all, I always lied to myself that my father would stop drinking and come back to us. And that he loved us and had never cheated on my mother. And I lied to myself that we would become rich again and live in another mansion… so many lies. I am a fraud.

I put the phone down, shivering, trembling, tears streaking down my face, "I lied… to Sakura..."

I trembled at the horrible thing I did.

I told her that I hadn't moved.

I told her that I was fine.

I told her that I was making dresses and costumes for her, watching my films, researching on what do next, and everything was a ok. I assured her.

But I'm not. I'm not fine, I'm not making dresses and costumes, I'm not watching movies, I'm not reading flower and fairy books, because I'm in a shabby apartment, waiting for my mother, and waiting for something to happen.

I'm crying hard now. My back shakes, my eyes water, and my mouth makes a horrible sob. My ears are plugged, my eyes are blurry, and I can't find a tissue to blow my nose.

I'm crying for me. I'm crying for my mother. I'm crying for Sakura. And I'm crying for my father.

My father.

I've never really remembered him. I've never really remembered how he left, or why he left, or what he looked like. All I know is that he left. And my mom will never talk about him.

The door unlocked. Someone stepped in.

"Tomoyo?"

"Mom…" I looked up.

"Tomoyo." She stood at the door, looking at me softly.

She saw my tears. Oh no.

"Tomoyo." She looked down at the floor.

I didn't know what to say. And she didn't either.

During dinner, we didn't talk. We just drank and ate our dinner. We were quiet, no mother-daughter talks. Nothing.

I stood up. I got ready for bed.

But my mother stopped me.

"Tomoyo. I have something to tell you."  
I glanced up at her face.

Her face was mixed with so many emotions; I didn't know whether it was good or bad.

"Its about your father."

And so we sat down on the floor and she began to tell me about my father. About how they never really meant to marry, but then made a big mistake. So, to keep up her reputation, she married him. They were fine, living like everybody else. My mother had me, my father stayed home and watched me while my mother went to work. But then she became a big company owner, and we slowly began to become rich. She told me that he soon began going out more often, to places she didn't know, and coming home drunk, with a stink of women. They began to have fights, with violence and words, and they had to divorce. (random story... i dunno where i got it)

Her story gave me lost memories, finally uncovered. And now I remember everything. Everything my mother never wanted me to remember.

* * *

hm... boring... boring... stupid... boring... yawn... dozing... stupid... boring... yawn... I wonder who reads these... but here comes memories for the next chapter! I... love... memories! 


	9. Chapter 9

No... reviews... for... the... last... chapter... either... I'm going to burst out crying! I have no one to thank for this chapter... and for that reason... I made Sakura's story extra sucky, figuring no one would want to read it anyway. Aw shucks, couldn't help but to make Tomoyo's better. SO, if anyone happened to ACTUALLY even read this, skimp out on Sakura's so you can skip my suckiness:P ha ha very funny.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Memories and Suicide**

There are times when people can have joy and happiness, brimmed with bliss and bubbling with everlasting laughter. But there are other times when people could be depressed, sadder than gray clouds and rainy days, gloomier than foggy days, and their eyes brimmed with tears instead of bliss, bubbling with sobs instead of laughter. I had my days of joy and happiness, and those days are long over. Now, I'm filled with the depressed, sad, and gloomy days, crying my days through. Where were my days of happiness? Had they gone down the drain? Why don't I sing in the shower? Nor do I hum and skip. Are those days gonna stay away forever? Could I just never whistle a day again? Where are my days of happiness? Are they drained away… forever?

"Sakura-chan!" I remember hearing Yukito call out my name.

"Monster Sakura." I remember hearing Touya call out my name.

"Sakura-san!" I remember hearing my father call out my name.

"Baby Sakura!" I remember hearing my mother call out my name.

"Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan!" I remember hearing Tomoyo call out my name.

But… I never hear them again, the words have disappeared through their lips, and they are fading away in my memory. One day they will have gone forever, and I will have faded away myself. My mother is already fading away, those good days that seemed to last forever. The days where my father would bake pancakes, the days my mother would joke. The days my brother would call me names, and talk about ghosts under my bed. The days Tomoyo cheered me on in races, and filmed me in frilly dresses. But those days… they are fading away… they are fading into memories… and soon into air. We will all forget each other, lost in our own world. We will have lost our word called 'family and friends'… because now they have all vanished into air. Where is everybody? Where am I? Am I already drifting off into darkness? Has the earth stopped turning? Has the sun stopped shining? Has the universe… stopped breathing with love? Is there no more happiness? Or is it just me? No… its gotta be everyone! It can't be just me! Brother is losing his smile and laugh, and he never calls me a monster! My dad, he spends all his time out with 'Janet' and he's dumped all the pictures of mom in the trash! They're probably up in the attic… and now moths are eating mom's memories! Vanishing into air! It doesn't matter if she's preserved, but it matters if her memories are… where is this world going? Where is this family going? I'll tell you, its going down the drain into a world of unhappiness! I'll tell you where I'm going! I'm being sucked into darkness with no family! I don't want that to happen… I want us to stick together forever and ever… I'll be the glue if I can. I'll be the one to make up the jokes and keep us all happy… but I know… its impossible… there's only one original mom who can do that… no one to replace… no one take her place… because my mom is the only greatness… there's no one better… there's no one like a mom than her to us. So why is father going out with Janet… has he really forgotten mom? So why is big brother secluding himself, locking himself up in his room? Where am I too? Where am I? Am I becoming dark and cramped with hard thoughts? Am I slowly turning into air myself? Am I letting moths eat me up too? Where's Tomoyo? Where is her advice? Where's her calm and helpful voice? Is there even a family or friend here? I think I'm sleeping… I think it's all a nightmare… but no… I've seen it all happen with eyes wide awake… and I've pinched myself but I'm not waking up. Now I'm sobbing hard on my bed, and I'm crying my eyes out, harder than ever. I've lost everything I once had, I lost my family and my best friend… I lost my happiness and my laughter and smiles… I lost my cheeriness and sunny face… my mother… my father… my brother… my friend… and now I'm slowly losing myself… what else can I do? I know mother is happy up in heaven, but I'm not happy down here. I know that my brother is sad too… and perhaps my father is lonely. But I'm sad too… and I'm still here for my father! What about Tomoyo? Was I a bad friend? What am I going to do?

My head shot up… an idea came up to my head… no… it wasn't an idea… it was more than an idea… it was real… it was true… it was… suicide.

-

Mothers can be overprotective if something abrupt happened to them. Maybe a divorce, maybe death of someone, or even just because of their nature. Some mothers are overprotective over memories, because many memories can hurt you. Many memories have hurt me. My mother once brought me to a doctor, I forgot why, but when I heard her story, I remembered it all. I was scared to death by those hurtful memories, so she brought me to a doctor so I could forget it all. And I did. They told her that until I am old enough remember again, she should never talk about my father. And so she never did, and I never remembered. I remember now. I remember so clearly, it was like yesterday. It's a horrible memory, a memory my mother never wanted me to remember. And that's why she took me to that doctor.

There was a shatter of glass.

It made me shiver, it made my ears burn, and I wanted to cry.

But I was too scared to cry.

I hid behind the fridge, watching tremulously as my father came home.

His silver hair was tangled and messy. His eyes gray like mucky mist in a swampland. His shirt rumpled and the buttons put in the wrong way. He had dropped his bottle, splattering glass and alcohol all over the wooden floor.

Maids fearfully fled the room.

"Someone clean this up!" he demanded, swerving back and forth, drunk he was.

I shivered, hoping he wouldn't see me.

Too late. He looked my way.

"Honey. Don't hide from me!" he gave out a dumb laugh that made me crawl deeper into the back of the fridge.

He swung his hand for me. I gave a cry. He missed.

Tears were coming out of my eyes. I was scared to death.

"Come here…" he gave a nasty snarl.

He came in closer, I could smell the horrible stink of beer, cigarettes, and kisses laid on him by some woman, who was not my mother.

I screamed as he got a grip of my arm. He yanked it, making me scream louder.

He pulled me out of the small corner and whacked me on the head.

I collapsed on the floor, crying harder.

"You horrible girl. You're nothing. I could adopt a better one than you. A prettier one." He hissed.

I cried and cried.

Someone burst in.

"You!"

It was my mother. Come to save me.

I looked at her.

Her strong eyes, her strong face, her strong arms, all angry, furious.

"How could you! How could you do this to your own daughter? Look! Look at what you've done! She's scared to her wits!" My mother yelled.

I wiggled closer to the stairs.

He hollered, "Don't you order me around you ugly lady!"

I heard a loud slap, and then a series of screams and hollers. I retreated into mother's room, crawled into my mother's bed and cried until I fell asleep.

Some time later, I felt my mother crawling into the bed and hugging me close. She was so warm. I hugged her back. I felt something wet on her cheek; I wiped it away.

"Tomoyo. Your father's not coming back anymore. He's gone. He's not coming back."

And she cried. And I wondered. Was she crying for me? For herself? Or for my father?

If only my father stayed the way he was before. Before he was a wonderful, kind man. My mother had learned to love him. And I thought my life was perfect with a mother, father, and a mansion.

"Papa! Hurry up! Papa! Over here!" I waved to my father.

He smiled, "Coming!"  
He ran over to me, stooped me up and, ignoring my shrieks and giggles, flung me onto his back.

"Go horsy! Go!" I flailed my legs around.

He made funny neighs and rocked about the field.

"Tomoyo." A lady strode over.

"Mom!" I leaped off his back and ran over to hug mom, stumbling along the way.

"Tomoyo." She went down on her knees to let me hug her.

Daddy walked over to us with a bright smile, "How was work honey?"

"Great." They gave each other a small peck on each others cheek.

"Mommy, mommy!" I cried, "Guess what daddy did! Guess! Guess!"  
"He…" She pretended to think.

"Ate all your waffles?"

"Nope!" I beamed.

"Pretended to be a hippo?"

I shook my head and giggled.

Daddy bent down to pick me up. I squealed. He hauled me back onto his back again.

"A horse!" She exclaimed.

"Right!"

He ran about, pretending to be a horse again while mother laughed, watching us.

And as he went around the park again, I thought in my mind, "I have the best father, the best mother, and the best life! I'm the luckiest girl alive!"

Hot tears rolled down my face, I squeezed my eyes tight.

"Why?"  
I thought.

"Why did he have to go? Why did he have to become an alcoholic? My life could have been so perfect. And why did we have to lose our mansion? Why?"

I felt warm, strong arms hold me tight while I cried.

Mother whispered, "I'm so sorry Tomoyo. I'm so sorry."

Why was she so sorry? But I didn't ask. I just kept crying. Until I fell asleep and thought I could no longer cry anymore.

* * *

nope, i'm not going ANY further. Nope. I can't think of what to do for the next chapter anway. So nope. Not continuing 'till i get some nice people to cheer me up. I've got other stories ya know. so nope. Not continuing till i actually get a REVIEW again. Hm, I don't even like this story anways, might as well delete it anyway, I was nearly to completing it. Hm, nope, not continuing. :P Final. (ha ha... today i got up two new stories... and updated two stories... and all in one day... ha ha...)


	10. Chapter 10

Wow... gee... that looks better.Ahem, I am glad to pronounce, due to the wonderful amount of reviews and all, that I WILL continue! Yes, aren't I a zippy writer? Today I feel so happy and grateful to...

**Dragon Star16 (for some odd reason... can't e-mail some of you...)**

**gamma-rae**

**Cherry-SweetHeart**

**.x.original.star.x. (who i just realized was on my alerts)**

* * *

There was my life, there was my happy life, and there was my unhappy life. There was my family, and my lost family. I felt, what could be made out of unhappiness? What could I make out of sadness? What happiness could a lost family bring? How could you bring your family back? And… what would be the point of living if it were a gloomy one, a life with unhappy faces and no smiles, a life that was once the perfect picture, and then was a shattered mirror? And as I gaze into the shattered mirror, all I see is broken pieces… broken pieces of the mirror… and broken pieces of myself. Is that the life I want to live in forever? So… I chose a simple way of destroying this life. It was suicide. 

My life was meaningless. My life is meaningless. I have been chasing after the wind for all these years. What is the point to live such a life, to live such a meaningless life without happiness?

I turned over on my bed, a tear streaming down my face as I listened to the three steps… a click… and then the door quietly closing. My dad had gone to work.

Another tear as I listened to the shower drops, as I listened to my brother taking a shower. I waited for him to step out of the shower and for him to leave the house.

When I heard the door slam for the second time… there were tear stains on my cheeks, still a few droplets streaking down, plunging into depths unknown… that was me. I was the little tear drop, slipping across and plunging into death… then splattering… and then…

I sat up, brushed my hand across my skin to wipe away those tears. There was no need of crying now; I was going to die anyway. There would be tears after I die… mourning and tears… and regrets. And I will meet my mother in heaven tonight. I will stay there forever, happily in my mother's embrace.

There was no gun in this house. But there were knives.

My pace was slow and unsteady… should I really do this?

Yes.

Step… step… step… down the stairs.

Step… step… step…. Stop.

Why was I killing myself again?

You hate this life.

Another step… step… step… step… step… step… I had reached the bottom of the staircase, and I was on the first floor.

Why was it that my feet dragged along and somehow wanted to stop? Why was it that my hands were trembling as I reached up to take the knife? Why was it… that I felt something tugging me… trying to hold me back while one was pushing me… making me eager to grab hold of the knife?

What should I choose?

And now it brings me childish memories.

I had been the perfect little girl, with the perfect little family.

I had everything. I was everything. My life was worth something.

I had big plans to grow up. I had the greatest, biggest plans.

I wanted to be this… and that… or maybe even that. Sometimes I wanted to be an ice skater, or a vet, or artist.

I was like an ordinary kid.

When I was young, I cried and bawled and giggled and slept and drank milk.

When I was a toddler, I learned to draw with crayons and use the wall as my paper. I learned to eat finger foods and get all messy. And I learned to read 'the…' and 'sheep…' and 'me…'. And I learned to say 'mine'.

When I was a little older, I learned to draw on paper, and I made my future plans. I went to school and I made new friends and old friends.

And then it came to this.

My mother died.

My father got a new girlfriend.

My brother never talked.

And me? I had lost love. I was going to do suicide.

My hands are touching the knife, my fingertips barely to the handle.

And then I realize all those treasured memories… that I will lose… and those big dreams I will never fulfill. I think about what my mother would want… and what my father would want… and what my brother would want… what Tomoyo would want.

I think about those pictures and memories that will never be caught again… and that it would all end here and now.

Did I want that?

My hands are curled around the wooden handle, and I am slowly lifting it up.

It's not a question. It's a decision. What was I going to do? Did I want this?

The knife is still sliding…

Mother would be unhappy… father would regret… big brother and Tomoyo would be sad… and me? What share would I have to that? There would be more consequences, more sadness… and our family would all come to a complete collapse.

Hasn't our love already breached?

The knife is out… but it stops, hanging in midair.

No. Our love still has a chance, there is someone who can save that love, someone who can bring us all together.

The knife…

I can.

I can bring us all back together.

…drops.

I listen to the loud shatter… the loud clunk.

Mother would want that…

The front door opens abruptly. Someone's home.

Father would want that…

"Sakura!"

Touya would want that…

Footsteps… dashing footsteps… a stop.

Tomoyo would want that…

"Sakura…"

Someone's behind me, and that someone draws me closer to them… and then gives me an embrace.

And I would want that too.

I do want that.

-

Those memories… those painful memories… they hurt so much, they hurt my heart. When I think about them, I feel my eyes turning red, and when I close them, I feel tears streaming down my face. I couldn't stop thinking about them… I couldn't stop thinking about it… about those memories. But I had my mother. As I thought about them, my mother held me in her arms, she wrapped them around me tight. I felt limp, cold, and weak, but with my mother, my dear mother, I felt her strong arms, her warmth, and her love. She had tried to protect me, but it was time to remember them. She wouldn't be able to keep me away from them forever, because they are memories. They can never be locked away, stored away, thrown away. Because they are memories.

"Mother… did father go away for good?"

She didn't answer. I felt something wet fall onto my hand. It wasn't my tear. It was my mother's. She was silent, a heartbreaking lapse between us as we remembered, as our memories came back to us.

"Yes." She finally said. Another tear fell onto my hand. And then another tear. One of them was my mother's, and the other was mine.

"But… you wouldn't go away from me… right?" I closed my eyes.

"No, Tomoyo, you will always be my beloved, dear Tomoyo. My daughter. My only daughter."

I loved the way she 'my daughter' and her only daughter. Those words felt comforting, because I knew she would never give me away.

"I won't ever go away from you." I smiled.

Though she didn't move at all, I knew she was smiling too.

I wanted to make her smile more. So then I said.

"And our life is perfect too. We have everything we ever needed, everything we ever wanted. Love."

My smile… it was true. I did have everything I ever needed, everything I ever wanted. I had my mother's love, and she had my love. And finally, as though my soul had been washed and cleansed, as though I had turned over as a new leaf… that painful memory and that greedy feeling was gone. My life was starting all over.

* * *

Yes, quite a disappointment, don't you think? Sakura doesn't die... and Tomoyo's story is super short. Well, golly, you'd think I was happy while I was writing this? Grumbling about my 0 reviews? And then all of a sudden pops up a few more reviews... too late, so it's just too bad...but if I get more reviews... ha ha... I just_might_ turn the next one into the ending. Nothing gaurenteed. Hm. 


	11. FINALLIE! waha!

Thanx to reviewers! Four reviewers! You ALL know who you all are! Thank you so much! You gave me encouragement while I was 'down'... and I feel that these are so many people I must dedicate this LAST chapter to! Yes! LAST chapter! I don't need to say it again! Yes... it's a sucky ending!

THIS LAST CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO ALL THE REVIEWERS I EVER GOT:

**My first review: FROM ME! HA HA**

**2: x0kAkAwiix0 (niceee...)**

**3: Cherry-SweetHeart (ESPECIALLY YOU! YOU REVIEWD A MILLION TIMES!)**

**4: A Cannon (they got a hug at the end.)**

**5: gamma-rae (for telling me... NO!)**

**6: Dragon Star 16 (I continued!)**

**7: .x.original.star.x. (I am SO sorry for not noticing you earlier! You get credits for the last review for the 10th chapter!)**

This marks the end for this chapter... unless... there will be... enough... reviews AFTER this... for a... _sequel_?

* * *

"You're… you're all right?"

Why wasn't the world spinning around me?

I wasn't dead.

Not yet.

Not ever yet.

Not until a many decades later.

Because I want to live.

I do.

And I want to fulfill those big dreams.

And I can live on.

And I can make my mother smile up there… in a happy place… in heaven.

So this is what is happening.

I never deserved this… this life… but I did.

It's not the life, I had a perfect life, and I still do.

It's what I do.

They are looking at me… waiting me to do something… for me to choose and make the decision.

The decision of my life.

I understand so much now.

And I find myself… shaking.

Shaking with fear…

Shaking with tranquility…

Shaking with happiness…

… And love.

And love.

Because I will become the glue that will bring all the pieces together, and although I still cannot make up for one missing piece… it is still there.

It hangs above us, suspended by an invisible string.

And she will still be there… always… watching us… holding us together.

But only if we remember, only if we remember her.

So I will remember her… and then everyone else too… will remember her.

And then remembering will bring her closer… and she will draw us closer… and we will love.

And be that perfect family again.

Yes. That perfect family again. Perfect. Family. Love.

Yes.

That is what I want.

That is what mother wants.

That is what Touya wants.

That is what dad wants.

Yes.

"I'm ok dad." I smile, the smile radiant…

"I'm ok Touya." With love…

"I'm ok mom." Pure love.

And then I see them all smiling too.

That means dad and Touya… and the dumped Janet.

All for me.

All for mom.

She is our angel who will guide us to love.

But first…

… We have to remember her.

We start with the pictures that are in the attic.

We polish them, put them in colorful frames.

Then we put up a new one each week, and for each holiday.

And we will bring her everywhere with us to remind us… that she is our mom.

Our love. Our angel. Our family.

Yes.

And then we will arrange her stuff again, but she did not have much. We will each take a part of her and make it a part of us.

So we can remember her.

So we can remember we are family.

And then we will put her on the table where we will sit down on Sunday mornings and sit there… laughing… and talking… eating pancakes… telling stories…

Because we are family, we are still the perfect family.

And we will be like that forever.

A family.

-

I called Sakura today.

I've decided to tell her the truth.

I have become a new person, a kinder person, and a loving person. Even without those riches.

And she will still be my best friend.

The only thing is that… I wonder if she'll still forgive me.

"Hello?"

"Sakura… it's me again."

"Tomoyo-chan?"

"Will you meet me at… Penguin Park?"

"Yes!"

And then a click and a dead line.

I am waiting for her on the swings.

I am waiting to tell her everything.

And she comes running to me… happily… she is happy to see me.

I stand up to smile back… happily and sadly… because I have come to tell her the truth.

She gazes at me… stares at my messy hair… and not the greatest outfit.

But she's still happy… because it's me.

Will she still be like that when I tell her?

Will I break her heart?

But I can't do it anymore… I have to tell her the truth.

"Sakura… my mom was broke during the end of school."

She looks a little surprised.

"Sorry I didn't tell you…"

She looks a little worried.

"We had to sell everything away… and then I learned your mom died."

She looks a little sad.

"Then we moved to a little apartment… a bought groceries… and she got a new job as a librarian… and…" I felt tears…

Sakura moved her hand… she was crying a bit too.

"… I found out how greedy I was… and so heartbroken to hear we were broke…"

"No… I would be the same too…"

I shake my head, "But I had my mother… why wasn't I happy enough? And then… there was you… I couldn't… I couldn't tell you for some reason… I was too scared and greedy and…"

I'm crying hard again… I don't know if she is too…

"… and then my mom told me about my dad…"

I feel a hand on my shoulder, and a handkerchief in my left hand.

"… and I remembered everything that happened to my dad…"

I dab the folded cloth to my cheeks and eyes.

"… and then I learned love… I learned how to become a new person… and…"

She smiled, "I did too."

I look up at her, "I'm going to be… living somewhere else… and…"

I feel myself trembling.

"Aren't you… mad?"

Sakura… she smiles, "No. I want to be your best friend… forever. I know what you were going through… do you want me to tell you what happened to me?"

She did tell me. She told me everything.

And we realized about how two months… so much could happen… so much could be kept away from each other.

But no matter what… we promised each other that we would be friends… best friends.

Even if we lived far away… even if we didn't go to the same school… we had shared one pain with each other still… and we could still be best friends still.

And she forgave me.

She forgave me.

"You're my best friend, of course I'd forgive you."

And then the clouds cleared away… the rain stopped… the fog and mist were all drowned by the warm rays of the sun… and the clear blue sky… and the salty smell of the ocean… ever flowing water… ever flowing love…

Our lives went on.

We were still best friends.

We shared one pain.

We shared one love.

We shared our secrets.

We shared our hearts.

And forever that would be… even through troubled times… even through those times.


End file.
